


Nothing Without Me

by TurelieTelcontar



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-30
Updated: 2011-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:36:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurelieTelcontar/pseuds/TurelieTelcontar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An argument between Hephaistion and Cleitus was broken up by Alexander who said the words "You are nothing without me!" to Hephaistion. This ficlet deals with the resulting spot of trouble between the lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Without Me

Hephaistion walked to his tent, staring straight ahead, and keeping himself tall, all his strength needed not to falter on his way there. In his head Alexander’s voice echoed still: “You are nothing without me, Hephaistion – and if I ever find you fighting again, I swear I will kill you both.”  
Those words had hurt when he had first heard them – and they continued hurting. He had stared at Alexander in shock, but then had nodded his understanding at his king’s words. He had known he had gone too far, but still – the constant baiting from Cleitus had proven too much to take any longer, especially as his nerves were frayed anyway. He had so much to do to keep everything running smooth, never getting a word of thanks or acknowledgement from the other companions. They thought he had gotten his rank because of his friendship with Alexander, even thought he was Alexander’s boy. He had always ignored that talk, knowing he couldn’t change their minds anyway. But today he had finally snapped; and answered back to Cleitus. The words got worse, and soon the fighting became physical. And then Alexander had separated them, saying those words to him. And Hephaistion had heard that even Alexander thought him to be nothing.

Finally he reached his tent. He got in, and sent his page boy away, before he finally allowed himself to break down. He just lay on his bed, and closed his eyes, willing everything away; especially the strange sickness in the pit of his stomach. But he couldn’t stop thinking of those moments after the fight, when he had stared into Alexander’s eyes, his gaze cold with fury, and Alexander had threatened to kill him, and meant it. How was that possible? Threatening Alexander with death had never occurred to Hephaistion, he couldn’t even imagine it now. Imagining Alexander not being anymore brought such blankness to his mind and heart that he recoiled. But if Alexander could threaten him such, and mean it, what did that say about Alexander’s feelings for him?  
His mind wandering endlessly around these questions, from time to time replaying the scene, he lay there, until hours later he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, he felt completely worn out, a vague feeling of nightmares with him, but he didn’t know for sure what he had dreamed about. He opened his eyes and feared for a moment that he wouldn’t find his page. The boy must have heard about yesterday by now, and perhaps he would think he no longer needed to serve the king’s ex-favorite. But as soon as he opened his eyes, he was relieved of that worry. His breakfast, consisting of some bread, some cheese and chicken, and a cup of watered wine were already on his table, waiting for him. That made him smile a little, grateful that at least something was still alright with the world.

He got out of bed, sat down at his table, and forced himself to eat. There was no use in starving himself, although he felt really not hungry.  
When he had finished, he asked the boy to clean the table, and started to go through his post. On another day, he would get some exercise first, or just walk around the camp, getting a feeling of the men’s general mood. But today, he didn’t want to see anyone. So he ordered his page to bring him later lunch and then dinner, and besides that not to disturb him, or let anyone in, except for an absolute emergency.  
The rest of the day he spent with the scrolls, ordering food, blankets, and other equipment from all parts of the new kingdom. Some time after he had eaten dinner, he heard footsteps approaching. When the newcomer wasn’t asked to stay away, he leaned back with a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. He had hoped to keep this confrontation until some other day. He just wasn’t ready for it yet. And frankly, he was surprised Alexander had missed him after such a short time. In the last months there had been whole weeks in which Alexander never sought him out. When he opened his eyes again, the other man was already standing in the room. He got up, and bowed slightly.  
“My king, how can I serve you?”  
Alexander frowned at those words. There had never been such formality between them when they were just among themselves. Ever since their first meeting at the age of thirteen at Mieza they had been informal with each other. This day marked the first time Hephaistion used his title in privacy since Alexander knew him.  
“I want to talk to you, about yesterday. I was harsher than I intended, but you have to understand that I can’t have two of my generals fighting like children. What were you thinking?”  
“I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I do understand. You are the king and act accordingly.”  
Alexander sighed, thinking Hephaistion understood after all. And he did understand that Alexander had to break them up. He just didn’t understand why Alexander had been so harsh, had made clear in front of everyone how few he really meant to him after all. Feared that Alexander had finally come to see that he indeed wasn’t worth all the trouble having him as a general meant. And if that, why make it such a public display?

Hephaistion couldn’t bear Alexander’s presence any longer.  
“If you would excuse me, my lord, I still do have some matters to take care of. Or was there anything else you wanted?”  
This time Alexander really reacted to the formal address.  
“Hephaistion, why are you so formal with me?”  
“You are the king. I am just one general among many, having earned my place in your bed. So I address you accordingly.”  
“Don’t say that!” Alexander protested, although he wasn’t sure what exactly he was protesting: The idea that Hephaistion was just another general to him, or that he was only a general because they had sex. And he half expected Hephaistion yelling at him not to tell him what to say.  
But instead Hephaistion did something infinitely scarier. He just bowed his head, and answered calmly. “As you wish, my lord.”

Now Alexander really didn’t know how to break the wall Hephaistion had erected, and so he finally asked why the other man was so cold.  
“I rather not answer this question, my king!” Hephaistion answered, his face still completely expressionless. Only in his eyes was the storm of emotions visible that was raging inside him.  
“I’m sorry Hephaistion.” Alexander whispered, before he continued louder “Tell me what I have done to make you cut everything between us. That’s an order, General Hephaistion.”  
Finally the calmness disappeared, while his friend obviously thought about disobeying the order. But then he didn’t.  
“Do you really know what happened yesterday? Cleitus made some comments about upstarts, and pretty boys not staying in the bed they belong, but wanting to play soldiers, ordering soldiers around because their master allowed it. And when I was giving the only answer I really could give, you came and you know the rest. You proved to everyone that Cleitus was actually right. ‚You’re nothing without me.’ How could you say that in front of all of them? I understand that it is true, we both know it, but why did you have to tell them?” by now Hephaistion’s calmness had disappeared completely, leaving a mixture of sadness and anger behind.  
Alexander was shocked. He hadn’t known what Cleitus had said, hadn’t cared. He had been only very angry that two of his generals fought like two boys over a toy. For a moment he didn’t know what he could say.  
“I am so sorry I said that. It was unfair to you. Especially as it is nothing I actually believe. Please, Hephaistion, I don’t think it is true. You are not a great strategist, but you are a good warrior, and you are great with logistics. You are brave and loyal, and you deserve to be a general. Without you, neither this army nor I would have gotten as far as we have. I’ll make this okay again, I promise.” With these words he turned around and left, not being able to see into his beloved one’s eyes any longer.

The rest of the night wasn’t very restful for the king of Macedon. He didn’t get to sleep at all, only sat in his chair thinking about how to solve his problems with Hephaistion.  
When dawn broke he had finally come to a decision.  
He ordered everyone who had witnessed the events the day before to his tent. For a moment he thought about going to Hephaistion before, but then decided to rather send him a messenger, politely informing him that something interesting was going to happen. He just hoped the other man came.

When he finally stood in front of his men, they looked at him curiously. Never before had he ordered them together without giving a reason, or on such a short notice. He looked around, but Hephaistion was nowhere to be seen. Sadly, he started his speech anyway.

“I know you are all puzzled as to why I asked you here”, he addressed them, “but you were all witnesses to an injustice yesterday. I spoke before knowing what had happened, and I want to take my harsh words to General Hephaistion Amyntor back. He is a loyal and brave officer, and without his logistical skills we would never have gotten that far. Although I still won’t tolerate brawls between my soldiers, or officers, that doesn’t mean that one of them lost my favor. They are still both honored generals of this army.” With those words he turned around and went back into his tent.  
There he stood for awhile, deep in thought. Should he go to Hephaistion now, and continue with the next part of his plan? Or should he wait until the night?  
He still hadn’t made a decision when the tent flap moved and he heard someone enter. Even if he hadn’t instantly recognized the smell, only one person was that easily allowed into his tent. Turning to the newcomer, he ordered his pages to leave him alone for the day. For what he had in mind, he didn’t want any witnesses.  
Then he acknowledged the other man’s presence. “Hephaistion! You weren’t there earlier.” Only now did he dare look into those blue eyes. Hephaistion smiled. Only a small smile around the corner of his mouth, but a great progress from the lost look he had worn the day before.  
“Oh, but I was, Alexander. I was in my tent, standing behind the flap, listening to you. Thank you!”  
“I wanted to say so much more, wanted them to see, to understand. But I feared they wouldn’t be able to, and it would only make everything worse for you. However, I still owe you a personal apology. I think I’ll start by showing you how much you mean to me.”

He closed the distance between them, and kissed his beloved one. Not demanding, but soft and pleading. When after some seconds he got a reaction, he pulled back.  
“Please, let me show you, and enjoy.” He resumed the kissing, but at the same time busied his fingers with undressing the other man.  
When Hephaistion was finally naked, Alexander looked at him, making sure all of his love shone through his eyes.  
He led him onto his bed, on his back. Then he started to kiss down his body, licking the sensitive skin around his navel with extra care, before going further down. When he came to his lover’s manhood, which stood by now hard and impressive, he looked up, into his lover’s eyes. And with one fast motion, he took it completely into his mouth. Hephaistion cried out, partly in pleasure, and partly in shock. He couldn’t believe Alexander was doing that. He was good at it, no doubt, but a king just didn’t do that. Not even a common citizen did that; that was only done by pleasure slaves.  
“Alexander… stop it!” he finally managed to say, between two moans.  
And he got his wish. Alexander let him go, and sat up in front of him. “Was I that bad? I admit, it was my first time, but normally I’m not a bad learner.” A cheeky grin accompanied those words.  
“No, no, you… it was… great! But you can’t do that. You are the king!” protested Hephaistion.  
“I told you I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. I don’t care about what is proper and what isn’t, not between you and me. I love you, and I want to give you pleasure, the best way I know how!” Alexander explained.  
“Look, if this is because of yesterday, I understand, and I’ve forgiven you. You don’t need to do this.”  
“It is not. Or not only. I just thought I’d give you something special. So now lie back and enjoy it!” Alexander was getting annoyed. And Hephaistion knew he hadn’t much choice but to comply, if he didn’t want to end up with the next long-lasting argument. So he just lay back and enjoyed being pampered.  
Happy that he had gotten his will, the king turned back to his earlier task. He took his lover again into his mouth, now rubbing him with his tongue, and moving his mouth up and down the long shaft, as far as he got. Soft moans and whimpers made him sure he was doing everything right. After a while he started playing with his lover’s testicles, and when he was alerted that the other man was nearing his release by his pleading and sudden babbling of strange words, he started humming softly. Soon his mouth filled with the creamy, slightly salty seed of his lover, and he swallowed it without a second thought. When all tremors had passed, and Hephaistion lay back, unable to move another muscle, Alexander let go of him, and kissed his way up to his lover’s mouth. He nestled himself into his arms, and soon both were asleep, safe in the knowledge that their love had overcome this hurdle between them.


End file.
